#ONLY IN NAIJA

I love my Motherland ooo! stuffs happen only in 9ja tho

•  Where a man Happily meet a lady and when she
  goes back to her friends, their only question was "Is
  the guy loaded?
•  Where leaders pretend to be patriotic when they
  are in office, out of office, they will turn to ethnic
  tigers.
•  Where a blind beggar will reject a fake naira note.
•  Where Groundnuts are sold in Bottles & Waters
  sold in Sachets.
•  Where parents claim they always came first
  position in school.
•  Where You Can Be A Driver For Years Without A
  'Driver's LICENSE'
•  Where Presidents and other government officials
  don't know the national anthem.
•   Where Gala and La casera is the best option when
  stuck in traffic jams (hold up).
•   Where you are jailed for stealing Maggi and yam
  and others given a chieftain title for stealing billions
  and Front row seat in churches.
•  Where we fight for everything. To gain admission
  to university, to get a job and to enter a bus!

•  Where you are robbed of your phone and the
  robbers come back for your Pin code and the charger.
•  Where your type of GENERATOR shows how
  RICH you are.
• Every rich Hausa man na Alhaji, while the poor ones na Aboki... lol
•  Where People produce Toyota Camry jeans and
  Dr. Dre slippers
•  Where a 60-yr-old grandpa is a National youth
  leader of a party (PDP).
•  Where citizens are more afraid of Police than
  Armed robbers.
•  Go to church with extension and BB
  charger (charging in his presence)
•  Update on BBM "about 2 cross", get hit by a
  car and still update "dying tinz"
•  Say an opening prayer at nite clubs (hmmmmm.......... dia ris God ooo)
• Go to a Shop rite, buy a bottle of coke and
  spend 30mins snapping with champagne
  bottles.
•  Count money after withdrawing from an
  ATM (we trust no one, not even machines).
•  Where a yoruba girl knelt down in front of an ATM machine after collecting money 4rm an ATM machine.(who says Yoruba girls dnt have respect?).
•  Where ZEBRA CROSSING is regarded as Tom Tom advert

#MADE IN NIGERIA ENGLISH 

•  If I hear pim, u go hear
  weeen
•  The FILM is SWEET
•  I KUKUMA don't have your
  time
•  I know you have come since
  bcoz I heard
  your perfume
•  See how her eye is entering
  my food
•  Have you paid your school
  fees money?

 JOKE:
 A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he’s in there, the husband tells his wife:
 
“Listen, this guy’s an escaped convict, look at
his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in
jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years. I saw
how he kissed your neck.” 
 
If he wants s*x, don’t resist, don’t complain, do whatever he tells
you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very
dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll k*ll us. Be strong, honey. I love you.”
To which his wife responds: 
 
“He wasn’t kissing
my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told
me he was gay, thought you were cute, and
asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it
was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love
you too!!”

lobatan!!!
 
 
 Pidgin English is the only language where question and answer can be the same thing.
 "Question: Light dey?
  Answer: Light dey."

 Teacher: what do u call a bee that lives in America?
 Akpos: USB

•  That awkward moment when you having sex with a prostitute and you are like: "say my name" and she screams "CUSTOMER!!"
•  Some girls will just open their mouth GBOSA and tell a guy ' Come and pick me ' YOU BE BEANS ?
•  Discrimination is when you Hug Girls with Big Boobs & shake the Hands of Girls with Small Boobs
•  Just when you think you have seen it all in this country, you'll see a man reversing at a roundabout......... oh Nigeria!
• Nigerian parents are confused. They'll beat their kids with the intent of making them cry and then start beating them to stop crying.
•  If your woman catches you looking at another woman, turn to her and say "sweetheart, I’m glad you don’t dress like that.”
•  If you have attended over 100 weddings and you are still single. Sister, you are no longer different from a canopy.
•  Nigerians don't ever rest. Even after death, they still work as ancestors, collecting kola nuts, white fowl and aromatic Schnapps.
•  A baby shouldn't come as a surprise to you, you had an unprotected sex.. What were you expecting? A Lamborghini ?
•  No matter how expensive your Wrist watch is, as long as it won't tell you Christ's Second coming, its as Useless as the "p"in Psycho

•  It is only a yoruba man that would rather put his head outside the window to shout instead of using his car horn.

Yoruba Mums be like 
"ti mo ba deal pelu e tan gbo gbo nkan lo ma ma wu e je" (when i'm done with you, you will crave everything edible)
 
really, i don't know why anyone would wanna eat after having their ass seriously whooped.



HMMMM...... IF NIGERIANS WERE WITH MOSES CROSSING THE RED SEA #SELFIE









LOL... #SWERVE













WEDDING GIFT IN NAIJA OOO........... WETIN WE NEVA SEE FINISH












 SPEECHLESS..........